Learn 3 Myths That Can Destroy Your Marriage
PLUS…Discover the 7 Top Mistakes Christian Couples Make
From: Dr. Randy Carlson
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Dear Friend,
I bet you love your marriage! Or, I bet you at least, want to...otherwise you wouldn't be reading this today.
Listen, fear can do many things to a person. Fear can immobilize the strongest man or create uncertainty in the most courageous woman. Yet, at the same time, fear can spur the weakest individual to action. In marriages though, fear has the ability to create an overwhelming obstacle to finding the true nature of a couple's love for one another.
It's important to understand the toll these fears can take on your married life.
Just like anyone else, I too have tripped up in my marriage from time to time. In fact, Donna and I were only kids of nineteen and eighteen when we were married. We quickly found out that marriage takes more than just falling in love or hoping that it all works out…
Donna and I jumped feet first into many of the unrealistic expectations that can often accompany a new marriage. Thankfully, we soon realized that the same fear that causes inaction or hesitation in a marriage can be overcome with the right information and the right source of strength. We also learned that often, "hoping things work out" and fear mixed together spelled doom - regardless whether the couple was newly married...or the couple that was better established.
Click here for more biographical info
Of course, sometimes even the best the effort and information isn't enough on its own…
Christian or NOT you have to know what to do to
- Strengthen your marriage right now
- Create significant breakthrough in your sexual struggles
- Learn how to make talking more than just "When is dinner ready?" or "Where's the remote?" …And get back to real, intimate conversation
- Understand what dangerous traps wait to snap at your marriage.
Yes, You Can Learn How You Overcome Common Marriage Dangers!
The simple fact is that you're guaranteed to encounter lots of troubles and marital obstacles. God promised as His children you would encounter tribulation in your lives. But if you get the facts about what God's plan really means in your life it will be a lot easier to overcome those marital obstacles. It will be easier to overcome your "flesh" driven fears.
Please continue reading as I show you some of the dangers that face every marriage and how you can avoid falling into 3 of those horrible traps yourself.
Let's get started with a series of myths about marriage that can destroy your marriage. We'll begin with…
The # 3 Myth That Can Hurt Your Marriage
It's Only Going to Get Better After the Wedding
Couples tend to think that marriage itself is the key to solving their problems. They think once they're married all their difficulties are going to go away. Unfortunately, I have bad news for you…
The opposite is usually true!
Did you know that regardless if you are Christian or not, research shows that there is a significant decrease in marital satisfaction following the initial euphoria of the wedding day? Not only that…
- Most problems that lead to divorce will appear within the first two months of a marriage union.
- The day of the wedding is usually the highest point of marital satisfaction, and satisfaction generally heads downhill after that…unless you commit to real effort—in the right way—to creating more satisfaction
- Couples must develop a realistic view about the significant amount of baggage they bring to a marriage. They cannot ignore their in-laws, their fears, their doubts…
- While marriage can get better…it is only going to do so if couples diligently work at making it better
Here's why myth #3 can destroy your marriage…
When you have an unrealistic view of marriage, you don't work at making it better from the beginning. As a result, dissatisfaction increases. Sometimes, you don't even know what hit you until it is TOO LATE
Dangerous Myth # 2
If We Aren't Fighting Everything is Okay
A big red flag that goes up in a marriage is when everything seems okay because there is no arguing. The truth of the matter is that there can be real danger lurking in the apparently calm waters.
- People tend to avoid arguments because they think it is better to avoid confrontation. As a result, some of the most damaging relationships are those that are silent.
- Marriages that are in a routine, where there are no bumps and everything seems perfectly fine can be misleading. They can be indicative of something being suppressed, simmering beneath the surface…
- The best marriages are those where couples feel comfortable enough to get stuff out on the table and discuss problems, argue or disagree and then resolve the issues. In other words, the best marriages are those where communication, even about the difficult issues, is prevalent.
In the end, the danger about Myth #2 is:
If you mistake routine for satisfaction…if you think you are okay as long as you aren't fighting, you are potentially setting your marriage up for failure
The myths you have seen so far are real dangers and potential threats to any marriage, but…what if there was a truly easy way to counteract those myths? Could that method improve or help your marriage?
Well, before I show HOW to develop real protection against these myths let's continue on to…
The # 1 Dangerous Myth to Watch Out For!
Talking and Listening Are the Same Thing
You can easily talk with your wife or husband about what is in the mail… you can talk about how the kids are doing… about work, dinner, what you're going to watch tonight on the television.
And because you're doing all this talking you think, "Hey, we communicate a lot."
But it's NOT TRUE is it? I think you probably already know this one…
Why?
Because when you just talk about superficial things you miss the truly meaningful thoughts your spouse wants to talk about. Real questions aren't being answered. Questions like…
- How does she really feel about you?
- What are the hopes she has?
- What kind of dreams about the future does he have?
- What kind of desires do you have?
Just because there is a lot of talking going on doesn't mean that there is a lot of understanding going on.
Of course, when you get down to it…
Thinking you're beyond help may be the worst myth of all.
Some testimony about how Dr. Carlson's
Bible-based advice is helping others!
Cindy—
"During the past couple of weeks we started getting these E-mentoring, 'love your marriage' tips—they have helped us grow closer. We usually read them together …and talk about them. I don't know if my husband is ready to take all the action steps suggested, but at least he is open to discussing the topics. And that is a real miracle. In fact—he is the one who suggested we start getting them. So keep up the good work, Randy. Thanks."
Opal—
"Thank you for this [E-mentoring] message. Thanks for these e-mails. I can see they will be the answer to the direction for my very difficult marriage of 28 years."
Wayne—
"Thanks for listening [and] thank you for the emails. I heard your program last week (I got off early). I asked my wife to listen with me and she did. That is when I signed up for the e-mails. Wow, you hit the nail on the head with a sledgehammer for our house. Now to just get started. Been waiting many a year.
God bless all of you. Keep up the good work."
Click here for sample Marriage Ementoring
You might be asking right about now: "That's all well and good, but where can I get this kind of help?"
Or you are might be saying, "But it's so expensive to go to a counselor. And besides, I don't have the time. And, who am I kidding? Even if we had a counselor, my spouse wouldn't go…"
Want An Easier, Less Expensive Way To Improve Your Marriage in two easy steps?
STEP ONE…
learn the
Top 7 Mistakes Christian Couples Make
…And HINTS on what to do about it.
Mistake # 7 You Think Your Marriage is Different
People fall into the trap of thinking they aren't going to suffer the same heartache and pain that their friends or family experienced in marriage. The fact is, ALL marriages will encounter tribulation of some sort. It's a fact of life. But that isn't the most important thing to take away. The most important thing to understand is that how you and your spouse react to your problems is key the long term succes of your union.
Mistake # 6 You Ignore Discussing Problems
If you understand "problems ignored WILL compound" and are able to discuss, work on, and fix your problems, then you are on the road to happiness.
Mistake # 5 You Don't Think About Your Spouse's Viewpoint
Get behind the eyes of your spouse. One of the most intimate things you can do for a husband or wife is to really stop and focus on how your wife or husband sees the world. Understand why they feel the way they do about things.
Mistake # 4 You Don't Pay Attention to the Details
Sometimes marital happiness can be affected by something as simple as whether or not you put the toilet seat back down…
Mistake # 3 You Forget Your Spouse Needs Some of Your Time
Schedule time for your spouse. Many of us are good at getting things scheduled. You schedule taking the kids to the soccer game, when to eat dinner, who to eat dinner with…and your spouse gets the crumbs that are left over. The only way to be successful in providing the kind of intimacy you need is through what I call Planned Spontaneity.
Mistake # 2 You Set Unrealistic Goals for Your Spouse
I've always taught this little relationship formula: expectations minus reality equals disappointment… If you have unrealistic expectations about what your spouse can accomplish when you marry them you are setting them up for failure.
And finally, the #1 mistake couples make…
Mistake # 1 You Don't Base Your Marriage on God's Principles
When you share prayer time, and share your thoughts with your spouse you are building the bond and trust that can last a lifetime. God wants to help you, and by praying you are telling him it's okay to help.
STEP TWO is…
Do something about it.
What if I told you that you could…
- Learn the simple steps you MUST take after saying "I Do" that can save you a lifetime of heartache?
- How to reverse bad fortunes in your marriage?
- Discover the light at the end of the tunnel, even in the gravest of situations
- How to get the powerful secrets to effective, real communication
- Learn the keys to overcoming the criticism that can strain a loving marriage
- Amazingly quick ways to strengthen your marriage right now
- How to read each other so you don't have to shout at the top of your lungs to be heard!
- How to create a significant breakthrough in your fear of adultery
- Get back to basics and re-learn how to have real, intimate conversations
- Learn how to develop lasting, loving marital satisfaction
What if you could get all that…without all the high cost… And what if it was something you and your spouse can do together, in the privacy of your own home…without all the outside interference.
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Here, you'll get a special report on the 5 simple steps you MUST take to protect your marriage the right way. - Bonus Gift # 2 An Enduring Marriage audio CD!
This bonus audio CD teaching An Enduring Marriage, provides you with a behind the scenes interview with Dr. Randy Carlson. Find out what the difference is between enduring marriage and an enduring marriage during this 45 minute never-before-heard interview session!
More Testimony
—Karen
"I recently ordered the Dream Marriage PowerPack. Six months ago my husband was leaving me, but through God's grace, he is still here. We are just beginning the steps to rebuild communication and trust with each other. I can't wait to learn and share with my husband and then with other hurting couples as well. I already have shared with soooo many people your loveyourmarriage.com site."
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Tucson, AZ
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